His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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