I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
