Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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