Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
