talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
