exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
