i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
