$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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