theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry about my life...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
