okay pat passed out under dana's car
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
