I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
