Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
