hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
