I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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