It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
