I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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