Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
