hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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