I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
