They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Randomize
