We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
