On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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