nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
