I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize