my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
