This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
