i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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