I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize