My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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