My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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