Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize