Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
