Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize