yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
