I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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