My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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