i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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