fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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