Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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