i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
