Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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