I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
