During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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