My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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