Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize