I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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