I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
