He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
