I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
