Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
two words...techno handjob
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
