Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
