Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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