I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
tell me about the eggs
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
