My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
You need a sexual gate keeper
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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