I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
