so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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