cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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