Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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