Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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