i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
