It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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