I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
