I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize