"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
