you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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