Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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