I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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