Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
