I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
