I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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