I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
