You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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