I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
