Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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