i would punch a child for taco bell
I think my vagina is haunted
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
