New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize