My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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