I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
