Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
