It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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