that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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