And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
