so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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